Je Ne Sais Pas Pourquoi
by Dolores Labouchere
Summary: Faith has the chance to say goodbye. Slashy themes.


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Title: Je Ne Sais Pas Pourquoi

Author: Dolores Labouchere

E-mail: dolores_l@hotmail.com

Summary: Faith has the chance to say goodbye.

Spoilers: Season 5, and Faith related stuff from season 4.

Rating: PG-13

Distribution: List archives, otherwise just ask.

Disclaimer: I don't own them, they're not one of my many toys.I don't own them; I won't say they can't go with other boys.

Notes: A challenge from Faithtastic, my muse (however unwillingly) and my dearest friend.Anyone noting any similarity between the title of this fic and that of a song by Kylie would not be far wrong.

"This I not a novel to be tossed aside lightly.It should be thrown with great force." – Dorothy Parker

***

The cemetery was morbidly picturesque by the light of day, peaceful but for the breeze rushing in the trees and the twitter of birdsong.Faith stood at the grave, fidgeting as if she expected its occupant might rise up to scold her at any moment.

Nervously she bent over to lay down her posy of flowers, before falling to her knees and reaching out to the marker with one shaking hand.The tombstone was warm to the touch, and she traced her fingertips along the grooves formed by the 'y', looking almost reverently at the name carved into the marble.

Sitting back on her haunches, she wiped the back of her hand across her eyes."Well, I betcha you never thought you'd see me cry over you, did you?"

The grave didn't answer back.

Faith took one of the blooms from her posy of flowers and picked at the petals.

"The Council got me out of the Big House, 'cause of me being the only Slayer left now.I guess you probably figured that out, huh?Well, anyways, they did, and I'm they're sending me to New Zealand tomorrow, which is, y'know, weird, and wicked far away but there's some vampire problem in Auckland – and they figure it'd do me good to get away from California.I think they want to get me away from Angel too; they probably think he's a bad influence.Shows them what they know, I suppose."

She swallowed, and her fingers pulled some more petals from the flower in her hand, and they fluttered onto the neatly cropped grass beneath her.Faith watched them fall, then reached up and dragged her hair back, letting her hand rest on the back of her neck.

"So, I, uh, I suppose you're wondering what I'm here for.I guess – I guess I needed to say goodbye.Which is kinda corny, but I don't wanna come back to Sunny D anytime soon, so it's probably the only chance I'll get.

"And I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry, for what it's worth.You were totally there for me when I came here the first time round.Totally welcomed me – and I was just a complete bitch back.You were a friend and I never appreciated that.

"You know I had a crush on you, right?I mean, I figured that I could never do anything about it, but then I went and screwed up everything anyway, so it didn't really matter.Then when I came out of the coma I was so fucked up, and I dunno, I just wanted to hurt everyone that had been good to me – and you were pretty much at the top of that list. 

"Thing was, even when I'd hurt you the way I did you still looked for the good in me.Still thought I was worth something.Defended me when I couldn't have, and I don't know why.

"But you don't know what that meant to me.You couldn't."

Faith rubbed at her reddened eyes again.

"I love you, Joyce."

Leaning forward, Faith pressed her lips to the marker.She pulled back and got to her feet, exhaling slowly, then let go of the flower. It fell gently to the ground, landing amongst it own petals.Faith took one last look at the grave, committing the scene to memory before turning on her heel.

Harlot red lipstick glistened on the tombstone to record her visit.

***


End file.
